


Melt Your Headaches, Call it Home

by heyitscmei



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Selective/temporary amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 20:34:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7479009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitscmei/pseuds/heyitscmei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“Home is something you fight for.”</i><br/><br/>Keith isn’t so sure he wants to when Shiro forgets their past together and Keith decides that it might be easier if Shiro never found out about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Melt Your Headaches, Call it Home

“Pilot error.”

That’s what they had been told when they learned that the Kerberos mission had gone missing.  Keith refuses to believe it.  He refuses to believe that _Shiro_ of all people would make a pilot error.  He knows him better than that.

His insistence on getting answers and defending his dearest friend, his only family and so much more, finds him kicked out of the garrison.  With Shiro gone and no place left for him to turn to, he’s lost the closest place to home he had.

Keith eventually finds himself drawn to a lonely shack in the desert and decides it will suffice, nowhere else to go but here.  He spends his days wondering if Shiro would ever come back.

If Shiro was really dead.

He spends his time thinking and over thinking until the pull of... _something..._ occupies his spare moments with treks out into the desert and researching whatever this pull was.

It leaves the grief and suffocating loneliness for every quiet night.

 

When Shiro crashes to Earth, things change again, for better or for worse, after a long quiet year. Keith learns that while Shiro still manages to recall bits and pieces, there are still plenty of holes in his memory.

Keith is relieved when he learns Shiro still remembers him.

Keith is crushed when he learns Shiro doesn’t remember _them._

 

A chain of strange events following Shiro’s return find a hastily put together group on a castle ship and Keith decides that this is okay.

There’s no home on Earth for him anymore.

He also decides to hide the true nature of their relationship from Shiro as well.

 

He’s still trying to convince himself that that’s also okay.

That _he’ll_ be okay.

_(He’s not convinced.)_

The others find out slowly.

But find out, they do.

How Shiro hasn’t figured it out yet is surprising, but Keith supposes he’s got a lot on his mind lately.  Shiro’s been through a lot.  This reinforces the idea that Shiro would be better off not knowing.  It just doesn’t seem as important in the grand scheme of things.

 _(Still, he isn’t really sure whether he’s upset or relieved that Shiro hasn’t figured him..._ them _out yet.)_

Pidge is too observant and they manage to coax it out of him before long.

He huffs it out impatient and embarrassed and uncomfortable and Pidge gives him a knowing look like somehow they understand.

They don’t pry further.  They just leave him to stew with a question bouncing around his brain.

“Why don’t you just tell him?”

 

Hunk, noticing the ever-growing tension that hangs over Keith’s shoulders, the agitation, fixes him a meal that tastes like comfort and home.

It’s familiar.

And warm.

And bittersweet.

Because Keith doesn’t have a family.

_(He doesn’t have a home.)_

The last time he felt “home” was when Shiro would hold him and tease him and Keith would tease back and it makes the dull ache in his chest hurt more.

It’s been hurting all along though so what else is new?

Hunk reminds him he has a family with him and Pidge and Shiro and Allura and Coran and even Lance.

That they – team Voltron – are his family now.

Keith smiles at that and, maybe it’s because he’s appreciative, maybe it’s because he knows he can trust Hunk, maybe he’s just tired, he confides in him.

On some level he realizes what he’s doing.

On some level he feels embarrassed baring the past to someone he’s only just getting to know.

He kind of regrets it later in his room knowing that more people are learning his secret and secrets just aren’t meant to be shared.

Because sharing secrets means that sometimes the wrong people can hear them.

Lance provokes it out of him, patience thin and anger thinly veiled. The mention of Shiro’s name used against him snaps his brittle calm in two and lets loose a torrent of grief and pain and frustration, all balled together until he’s slumped against the wall exhausted.

Lance kneels down next to him and prods his arm, mumbling an apology.

There’s nothing to talk about because Keith’s already slapped Lance in the face with everything and he’s surprised when Lance tells him, like Hunk, that they’re his family now and if he needs some “advice from the incredible Lance” then his door is open.

_(It’s half light-hearted, but serious enough.)_

That doesn’t stop them from bickering, but it takes away some of the bite.

 

Allura stops him in the hall one night to ask how he’s doing.  It’s not something that happens often and it makes Keith wary, muscles tense and ready to leave should the need arise.

After a failed attempt at friendly talk she sighs and her shoulders drop with the motion.

An apology on the tip of her tongue, she admits that the mice know many secrets and Keith’s lips pull into a frown.

“Please think about what you must do for you as well.”

The _‘not just Shiro’_ left unspoken but hanging in the air when she departs.

 

One day Keith finds himself having a conversation about “home” with Coran.

Coran is telling him about Altea and what life was like before the first war against Zarkon.  There’s a sentimental look in his eyes and his tone sounds soft and, because Keith isn’t really paying much attention, he almost misses the question.

“What’s your home on Earth like?”

“I don’t have a home.”

“Not on Earth.”

And Keith relents.

“Not on Earth.”

Coran gives him a small smile like he knows something -

_(Knowing how word travels between a small group of people, Keith is almost sure that he does.)_

\- And a small squeeze on the shoulder.

“Home is something you fight for.”

It doesn’t escape Keith’s notice that almost every inhabitant of the castle knows what he’s been trying to hide.

And it doesn’t escape his notice that they’re waiting for _him_ to just _tell_ Shiro already.

He appreciates that they haven’t gone behind his back, appreciates that they’re letting him make the call.

Though, he isn’t sure if he wants to.

If he’s ready.

 

Time has passed in the castle.  How much, he isn’t really sure.

It would be awkward, he decides, if he told Shiro now after acting like nothing had ever happened for however long it’s been.

It _feels_ like it’s been an eternity, but there’s no night or day out where they’re constantly surrounded by stars.

Keith starts wondering when he got so scared.

He’ll run into battle without a second thought yet _somehow_ the sheer idea of _telling Shiro the truth_ is what terrifies him.

 

“I’m not an expert on people, but I think that’s the fear of heartbreak,” Pidge tells him later.

A sleepless night finds him in the green lion’s hangar watching an equally restless Pidge tinker at... something.

Keith isn’t completely sure what.

“Although... You seem heartbroken enough, even without telling him.”

 

Keith knows he should probably just tell Shiro already and be done with it.

 _Then_ he’ll deal with the heartbreak that comes after.

Even he recognizes that it’s getting harder to pretend they were nothing when Shiro touches his shoulder or pats his back and he _jumps._

If Shiro notices, it doesn’t show except for the smallest downturn of Shiro’s lips that Keith is _sure_ he’s imagining.

He feels like he’s gone back in time to two years ago, nerves on edge and tense, wondering if Shiro would accept his feelings, even if he didn’t return them.

Except this time he’s sure Shiro doesn’t like him back.  Shiro doesn’t even remember _him._

He doesn’t remember the Keith who sputtered a confession on an impulse while they were sparring, only to flush bright red in response to his own confession and try to brush over the mistake.

He doesn’t remember the Keith who Shiro laughed with no malice at while he pulled him into a tender hug so different from the hard touches that sparring brought.

He doesn’t remember the Keith who spent the night with him and kissed him goodbye on the night before the Kerberos mission.

_(He doesn’t remember the Keith who he promised he would definitely come home to.)_

 

Keith finds himself in the training room often.

He likes it there.

He doesn’t have to think or feel.

All that matters is his bayard in hand and the gladiator opposite him.

He feels the adrenaline of battle coursing through his veins and it’s a nice and practical distraction from everything.

It exhausts him and the lack of restless energy in his system helps him feel calmer, more clear headed.

He almost doesn’t hear the door open behind him, after a time.

_(Almost.)_

“Got a minute?”

And he almost wishes it were Hunk or Pidge or even Lance instead of who he knows is standing behind him.

_(Almost.)_

He falters at the voice, corrects himself and bats away the gladiators lance with his bayard, calling out to end the session.

He turns, slowly.  Reluctant.

And yet a part of him so eagerly wants to look at Shiro.

He’s never not been fascinated with the way Shiro looks and the way he makes him feel.

_(It’s been getting harder to fight that part of him.)_

“What’s up?” Keith asks feigning innocence.  He’s on the defensive, wary.

It’s not something he’s used to feeling around Shiro he realizes, belatedly.

Keith isn’t really looking at him.  He’s eyeing the door behind Shiro wishing not to be here.

Another feeling he’s not used to having around Shiro.

He misses when it didn’t matter that he was always in Shiro’s space or that Shiro was always in his space because that’s how they liked it.

Keith doesn’t really register how close Shiro is until he can’t see the door properly anymore and Shiro’s face is close enough to command his undivided attention

Keith tries to maintain his composure.

He wonders if Shiro can still read him as well as he’s always been able to.

Wonders if Shiro can tell how much he _wants_ him in every sense of the word when Keith keeps getting glimpses of memories that never left him – even if they left his counterpart.

_(They ghost his mind and haunt his thoughts and Keith is suddenly afraid that Shiro can read minds behind that warm gaze.)_

“Keith,” Shiro says and Keith is watching him, expression carefully blank even though he can feel the urge to gnaw on his lip, a habit he isn’t sure when he picked up.  His tongue absently traces the split that is no longer bleeding from where he chewed it too hard.

If Shiro watches the motion of Keith’s tongue in the split second it’s visible, Keith doesn’t notice.

Keith swallows, hard.

“Shiro? What's wrong?”

_(Secrets just aren’t meant to be shared._

_Because sharing secrets means that sometimes the wrong people can hear them.)_

“You used to call me Takashi.”

Keith feels the barely contained and poorly masked emotions spilling onto his face, realization, disbelief, anger? Then there’s a split second of joy which quickly turns to horror, another realization and then nervousness and confusion.

Keith is worrying his lip again and when it starts to bleed Shiro’s hand is right there, tipping his face up to see him better while inspecting the split lip, concern evident in his scrunched up eyebrows and the downturn of his lips.

“What are you talking about?” Keith tries.

He takes a step back to put some distance so he can breathe because he feels like his heart has leapt into his throat and is cutting off his airway.

“You used to call me Takashi back at the garrison when we were alone,” Shiro says and Keith gets a look on his face that Shiro would find adorable if Keith wasn’t so hell-bent on the notion of denying anything and everything.

“You used to study with your head in my lap, answering questions as I quizzed you.”

Shiro steps closer and takes Keith’s hands to keep him from stepping away and continuing a pointless dance around the training deck.

Keith doesn’t pull away so Shiro continues.

“You used to spar with me, much like how we train in this very room.  I was always so proud of you.

Two years ago you told me you were in love with me and it was the happiest I’d been...

... a year ago I promised you I’d come home.”

Keith, dumbstruck, finds himself uncharacteristically frozen to the spot and something is bubbling in his stomach as Shiro talks, but his promise causes Keith to frown, a pang in his heart reminding him what happened next.

“I know.  I was there,” he tries to joke.

Shiro tentatively reaches for Keith’s face and stops his hand just shy of Keith’s cheek, presses his palm, the human one, against Keith’s face when he doesn’t protest and Shiro sees something like hope swimming in the blues of his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro tells him

“so... you remember...?” Shiro frowns and shakes his head.

“Not all of it,” he admits.

“But you remember _us._ ” It’s more of a statement than a question and this time Shiro nods slightly.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Shiro asks after a beat.  Keith knows Shiro isn’t blaming him, even though Keith can see the mild hurt in his eyes.

Keith sighs and shrugs.

The tension dissipates from his body and his joints almost feel like putty after it’s gone, the training earlier notwithstanding.

He’s a little embarrassed to admit it, tearing his eyes from Shiro’s face and looking anywhere else.

“You didn’t remember me... us... and that already hurt enough so I didn’t want to get hurt more when you told me that we couldn’t pick up where we left off or that you didn't feel the same anymore...”

It all comes out in a rush, a single breath, and Keith looks at Shiro’s face and he almost wishes he hadn’t when he sees the pain there.

“I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

Keith’s pulled into a tight hug and he shakes his head against Shiro’s shoulder

“It’s okay... I mean, you didn’t break your promise after all,” Keith tells him, hands clutching at Shiro’s back to keep him grounded, to remind him this is real. “Does this mean we can...?” Keith doesn’t finish his question; sure that Shiro knows where he’s going with it.

“Only if you tell me everything I don’t remember.”

“Welcome back,” is Keith’s reply.

“I’m home.”

Shiro kisses him then and it’s sweet and long overdue and in Keith’s stomach he feels warm.

It’s comforting and familiar.

_(Finally, he’s convinced that he’ll be okay.)_

“Home is where the heart is.”

Keith never really understood what it meant until now.

But here, on the castle ship with the Voltron crew and the lions,

Here, wrapped up in Shiro’s arms,

_He’s home._

**Author's Note:**

> i don't typically post the fic i write so i was hesitant to post this  
> and then i thought "damn it all" so here you go  
> i hope you enjoyed it!  
> unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine


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